The world goes in circles and when you're drinking it just seems to
go faster and faster until you just want to throw up. Throw up the
person you used to be and the mistakes you've made. It was never
obvious when I was going to wake up from this, but apparently it was
today. I was never in love as a teenager. I never fell in love with a
boy taht would have nothing to do with me. It's crazy how the thought
just crosses your path and smacks you in face right when you think it
will never happen. It's the day you finally say " well you know what,
he wasnt that boy i thought he was, he didn't love me like it though or
treat me like i deserved" he wasn't there when i needed him the most,
even tho when i needed him he was there that most. it was fake. and
yet here we are. 3, 4, 5 years down the road i hit the point of no going
back. I'm in love so deeply i couldn't pull myself out if i tried.
I'm crying as i type this just so you know. i love him. i love the man
he has become. i love the song that just came on in memory of the man
sleeping a room, a foot away. I love him, with everything i have and
everything i am. He is everything i have never known that i wanted.
he's smart and cocky and sometimes he's a fucking asshole but i know how
to tell him to stop. i know just how to cry to make him melt. He's
amazing. He listens. And best of all he doesn't go running to that
girl that i know still wants him back. He is free of strings, of the
puppeteers will. He is his own man and i desire that. I want the man
that knows everything on his own. I want to feel his breath his...
warmth. And i will do exactly that because for once i realize that life
is better than this paper, this impersonal means of getting the truth
out on misguided and mispelled demeanor. Love you all... love the bud
light more than life haha
J_L+R
