Friday, March 28, 2008

Where do we go when the buzz goes home?

The world goes in circles and when you're drinking it just seems to go faster and faster until you just want to throw up.  Throw up the person you used to be and the mistakes you've made.  It was never obvious when I was going to wake up from this, but apparently it was today.  I was never in love as a teenager.  I never fell in love with a boy taht would have nothing to do with me.  It's crazy how the thought just crosses your path and smacks you in face right when you think it will never happen.  It's the day you finally say " well you know what, he wasnt that boy i thought he was, he didn't love me like it though or treat me like i deserved"  he wasn't there when i needed him the most, even tho when i needed him he was there that most.  it was fake.  and yet here we are. 3, 4, 5 years down the road i hit the point of no going back.  I'm in love so deeply i couldn't pull myself out if i tried.  I'm crying as i type this just so you know.  i love him. i love the man he has become. i love the song that just came on in memory of the man sleeping a room, a foot away.  I love him, with everything i have and everything i am.  He is everything i have never known that i wanted.  he's smart and cocky and sometimes he's a fucking asshole but i know how to tell him to stop.  i know just how to cry to make him melt.  He's amazing.  He listens.  And best of all he doesn't go running to that girl that i know still wants him back.  He is free of strings, of the puppeteers will.  He is his own man and i desire that.  I want the man that knows everything on his own.  I want to feel his breath his... warmth.  And i will do exactly that because for once i realize that life is better than this paper, this impersonal means of getting the truth out on misguided and mispelled demeanor.  Love you all... love the bud light more than life haha