Friday, July 15, 2005

darkness covering blind desires
the lights are low and covers drawn
he's holding tight to false hopes
that she'll come back with the dawn

but she's holding on to secrets
that she can't quite pay the cost
she wants to wander back to him
but she's a little too lost

she wants to believe she can hide him
but love and lies are not her specialty
she can't hide such an obvious betrayal
those praying eyes are bound to see.

it's the one struggle I have never had to deal with...until now that is. to be caught between a boy and a best friend, it's earthshattering. there are so many emotions and so few answers. i cannot betray my best friend. not after all the years she has been there through the laughs and tears and struggles and heartaches. but i can't help but want him. i love the attention he pays me and the way i shiver whenever his hand brushes my stomach or my shoulder. i love the way he wants to hold my hand. it's intoxicating. it's addictive and i can't stop myself sometimes. i know he's not right for me, but it doesn't stop my wanting him so badly. i don't care that he has baggage and could break up the most meaningful friendship i've ever had. i don't care that he can't possibly be this caring and completely commitable boy he paints the picture of being when we're alone. i just want things to work out perfectly... just once. but it can't. because no boy is worth the pain i felt for the 24 hours my best friend couldn't even look at me. i wish i could convince myself of that when his hands are snaking their way to making me shiver though.

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