My Audience

Set the scene for the audience
open my mouth to divulge my heart
Cue the music to this feeling
If I can decide where to start.

I have hidden in the shadows
Terrified that I may get caught
Hoping he won't notice this
Too scared to reveal the plot.

I've only released the edited version
Ensuring I carefully limit what he knows
If he knew the writer behind these pages
Would he still love the girl he chose?

Cue the mood music and careful lighting
Hide my intentions behind curtain calls
Distract him with the tiniest of truths
And hope the illusion never falls.

I feel paralyzed by these crippling fears
That i mislabeled this from the start
Im muted in silence by the realization
That he may not see beauty in my art.

The production changes without warning
And i briefly pray that he will go
But i desire so deeply to be seen
That i can no longer stop the show.

The script is spoken in full unedited glory
Reveals me in my darkest creative design
He sits in torturous uncharacteristic silence
Drinks in my words as if they are wine.

And the curtain falls
And the music fades away
And all that is left of me
Lies in tatters and disarray.

I cannot even look him in the eye
More than anything it is rejection I fear
But much to my surprise he smiles broadly
And quickly wipes away my tear.

And applause fills the enormous theater
Appearing to rise from each and every seat
But they sit empty, row upon row
And he is the only one on his feet.

My audience
My muse
My love
It's you.

It's taken me a long time to realize that I never let him all the way in. And now 9 years, a marriage, a child, and what feels like a lifetime later I wonder if it may be too late. Will he still love me when he sees these broken verses? Or will he feel deceived?