A new beginning, an old goodbye

The way time passes amazes me. Things can change so rapidly, and so immensely that we don't even realize that we've become this entirely new person. We don't realize that we've left the person we were behind, and have grown into a new one, until we look back randomly one day and realize how different we have become. I know this because it's happened to me quite a few times over the years. Looking back it seems as if I must have gradually progressed into the young woman I now am, but I'm not sure that the change was really so gradual. I think it all happened at once, and I was completely unaware of the changes because I had other things to focus on… other things to be happy about for once. I've grown into this person that is able to love with all her heart. I've grown to forgive the people around me for the mistakes they've made, as well as to forgive myself for taking so many wrong paths. I have fallen in love, given my heart away, and I can't imagine that a day will come when I will regret that decision. Good, bad, happy, sad, or pathetic this is what my life is. And it's invigorating.

This is not to say that life is all sunshine and rainbows. It's more like fire and ice. My world has been set ablaze, and I love it. Every single thing in my life seems somehow amplified in the light of first love. I can find reason in the world, where reason used to escape me. I can find sadness too, though. There are shadows, and there are dark corners that I still fear, but I also relish in the adventure that they bring to the table. I love the rainstorms because I get to run through them with him. I love the snow because it means we get to cuddle to keep warm. And even the bad things in life don't seem so bad when you realize that you don't have to battle it alone.

Maybe that's the change that ensued. My I, became a we, and the world just seems more bearable somehow. And so I want to welcome this new way of life, that I hadn't until now realized I was already starting to live. And I want to say farewell to my newest version of my old self. She wasn't so bad, she was just broken, in need of repair. And somehow I think that he healed her. He created this new me from the ashes of the old me. He brought me back to life. And I love him for realizing that she wasn't the me I was supposed to be.

J-L

11:43 PM