Tuesday, August 2, 2005


been in lust a few times
but loves a little much
can't quite process it yet
but i'm craving his touch

is it lust or is it love
i'm so confused i could burst
am i overreacting, underestimating
could i truly be this cursed?

if love was supposed to hurt so badly
why am i dying to fall so hard again
his eyes bewitch my very senses
he's slowly but surely sneaking in.

so i've been sitting and thinking about this same fucked up situation for like weeks now... i've been trying to figure everything out. i have been trying to figure out why i fell for him so hard. he's an asshole sometimes, but he's sweet too...and i'm finally deciding that i need to get it all out. i need to figure out why i like him so much. so here it goes. he's different than all the rest... sure he's a lot like the last guy i fell for, but he's so much more too. it melts my heart that he can't spell to save his life, but can reason things out and sound like the most intelligent person in the world. he's a straight thinker...a good liar, and he's optomistic. he's a good talker...a good manipulator, he can make me do things with just a look in those beautiful blue eyes. to be honest i thought they were brown until the other day, but i looked into them once and they caught me... i haven't been able to look away once. i love how he calls me jen... even though it grates on my nerves, i just love it. i love it because no one else calls me that, and because he only does it to piss me off. i like how he calls me beautiful even though i don't think he's right. i love how he's trying to quit smoking for me, and that he took care of me when i was sick even though he was about a second from puking himself. i like how he lays with me and pulls me close and whispers in my ear that he could lay there forever. he makes me feel so wanted, so loved, so pretty...so perfect. i love that he can pull off those extremely ridiculous cop sunglasses and bubblegum pink shirts. i love the way he smells, especially right after he's showered. and this is going to sound completely ridiculous but the thing that i like about him most is that he's not afraid to piss me off. my music is my passion... i don't let anyone fuck with my radio...and i don't allow rap to be played in my car for more than one song, but he does all he can to make sure it gets turned on. i love that we have completely different tastes in music. but what really makes me smile is the fact that after being with him for a week straight he searches for country stations on the radio, knows all the words to at least 4 fall out boy songs, turns off his rap songs when they are halfway through, and is finally coming around to the obscure punk rock CD's in my collection. i'm rubbing off on him and I love it. i love that he's spontaneous because it's so exciting. if someone will go to a public beach without their swimsuit and see a bridge they want to jump off into a river that may or may not be deep enough and strips down to their underwear in front of countless people and just jumps without a second thought....that's hot. i love how unpredictable everyday is with him. i love not knowing what he's going to say next or do next. i think i'm falling a little too hard.

fall without purpose, land without cause,
Jenny

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